I have a rare blood type that only 3% of the population has. I’m AB+. The Red Cross calls me often to donate my “rare blood.” I put it on my to do list and schedule a time. Sometimes I can end up making it to the appointment and actually donating. I’ve had other times where I show up and there has been over an hour wait even with an appointment. I’ve had to leave and not donate because my life is in a crazy balancing act right now and I had to leave to get to the next items on my list. Then I feel guilty.
My typical to do list in the afternoon includes hockey, soccer, or baseball practice, hockey, soccer, or baseball games, school activities for my boys, orthodontist or doctor appointments for my boys, homework, making dinner that has some sort of nutritional value, and then maybe picking up a bit before going to bed and starting all over. Sometimes the dinner might not be that nutritional or my little people are late to an appointment, practice, or game. Then I feel guilty.
My work life is also a huge balancing act. I’ve got two schools this year and both schools have heavy schedules of students. At my private school I am in charge of setting up all of the service plan/IEP meetings, evaluation meetings, and other special education meetings. This is for students with some pretty complex needs. Setting up meetings has never been my strong suit, and this year has been a huge challenge for me. Coordinating the school psychologist, teacher consultant, resource room teacher, general education teacher, principal, and all ancillary staff is highly overwhelming at times. Sometimes someone is missed in the meeting scheduling, or an email is missed, I’m late for a meeting because of traveling, or I am missing students. Then I feel guilty.
Because of all of the stress with my work and home schedules, I decided that I needed to focus on my own health a bit more. So, on top of everything else, I have started waking up at the early awful ungodly hour of 4:40 in the morning so that I can make it to a 5:15 boot camp at least three days a week. When else am I going to go work out? There are mornings when my alarm goes off and I press snooze. 5 times. I miss my class. Then I feel guilty.
People talk about type A personalities and how they are ultra organized and motivated. I admire these people. I want to be these people. But, I feel like I’m more like my blood type: AB+. People compliment me on being organized but I know it is just a facade. My planner is super organized but a lot of times I don’t feel like my brain matches that organization. I am just one missed glance at my schedule or planner away from everything toppling over.
Why am I telling you all of this? I’m telling you this because I want you to know that we all have a hard time balancing it all! Our Instagram or Facebook accounts may look like we have it all together. Perfect activities planned for each session. Perfectly organized materials and files. Materials personally made for each student. A lot of times it’s a facade. I may post a picture that looks perfect, but know that behind the scenes there was a lot that was not perfect that day. I may have had the perfect activity that was made for a specific student, but the rest of my caseload played the memory game. Again.
I love my life that I have created. I love my family, my friends, my students, my job, even my 5:15 boot camp class! But I know that there has to be a balance. Finding that balance is tough, but I will keep trying. I also know that it is ok if some things fall out of balance.